apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize