In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
