They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
