Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
