Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
