I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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