He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
