how can u be prego again
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
