its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
is wine microwaveable?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
