I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
