I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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