I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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