it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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