Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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