Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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