I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They took my balls.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
