she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
