Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
