how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
