I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
