Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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