Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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