This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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