Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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