How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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