I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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