Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
