she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
