Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
