Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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