We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
