Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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