I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
