Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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