speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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