Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
