just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
