Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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