ya dads aren't the best wingmen
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
