Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
