Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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