Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
