Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
