Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
