good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
