Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
