I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
