The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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