I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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