Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
