I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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