So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
