I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
