He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
