I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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