and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
