We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
