I accidentally burped into my bong.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
