Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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