i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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