I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
