needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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