Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so that wasnt chicken after all
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
