At least make sure they are 18
Why
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
