She's JV to your varsity
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found puke in my bra..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
