I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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