so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
