It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
