I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
