My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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