Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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