Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
