He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
