Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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