Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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