Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
