Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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