So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
