Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
