I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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