is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
