remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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