You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
