dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need water and some morals
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