boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
