I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
